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* Thursday, 02/14/2019
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** 00:38 Positivity
I had an interesting discussion with Ed at work today, where he wondered why I
was more taciturn that usual. I should probably be honest with him about my
efforts to be more positive and constructive. But I'm not sure how we'll that
would go over. Ed tends to blame himself for a lot. The blame is brutal without
the introspection to make changes.

I think the biggest challenge is that he has a very low tolerance for things
being done poorly. Mind you, poor is a value judgement, so he most often just
doesn't like the way we do things. There's A LOT to complain about how Elation
works. But the reality is that complaining about it wont do anyone any good.

Reading How to Lead When You're Not in Charge right now, the section on either
perservering and staying positive or cutting bait was really relevant to this
situation. You can only blame the people around you for being incompetent for so
long. At some point you have to take ownership over the things you do control.

If the work is coming in scattered, focus your work and do the best you can
within the guidelines provided. You can't blame your boss or co-worker for
everything all the time.

Reflecting on the current state of leadership at Elation, Andrew is supposed to
be my new supervisor, but I haven't had a 1:1 with him yet. I'm not sure when
one is even scheduled. One the one hand, that's disappointing that I don't have
someone guiding my development right. On the other hand, that means I have an
opportunity to take ownership over my own growth.

** 21:07 Mentorship
I've come to really value meeting with Cris every other week. When I began
talking with him I was worried that I wasn't prepared for a mentorship, that
somehow I was supposed to structure things more. But it turns out there's all
sorts of different mentorshps, and this one more closely resembles as
psychologist mentorship. Cris is someone to talk things through, with the added
bonus that he has a really good head on his shoulders and thinks a lot about how
to interact with people and get things done.

Finnegan had minor surgery on the abscess on his left front paw today. He seemed
to do alright. With Jess living in the house with us, I find myself a little at
odds with how she sympathizes with pets. It has occurred to me, not uncruely,
that if large parts of your life don't make sense, there is a relative
simplicity to the life and love of a pet. I just don't care that much about the
mental health of my animals. Maybe that makes me a monster. But I just don't
care that much about Finnegan's day to day travails. I enjoy having him in the
house, but can't bring myself to feel for him.

I'd also like to keep track of more ideas.