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* Monday, 08/27/18
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** 07:26 Getting by
I ended last night tired. I feel as though I am unable to talk directly to Emma about where we're at with the pregnancy. She is caught in her own world, and is looking for a way to have the baby as close to as she expected as possible. I don't think it's a bad idea to explore all the possibilities, but I also can't shake the feeling that she's afraid of what an induced labor will look like, and afraid that she wont be able to do it.

There's a tension in my life right now, and it's been there for the last four or five years, where I am constantly made to feel guilty about work. To a certain extent it's fair because I will easily lose myself in a task or a mission if given the chance. But it's also quite frustrating, when Emma doesn't work and even more than that, doesn't seem interested in the sorts of things that would constitute work. I suppose I mean, that we don't need the money from a second job, but I don't know what Emma is going to do with herself once the kids are all in school. That may be a very sad time for her, and I wish she had more things that kept her busy.

If she weren't 8 months pregnant right now, I'm sure she'd do more garden work, but she generally doesn't like doing the unpleasant animal work, and the big garden work of clearing beds and cultivating she doesn't like either. Mostly, it seems like we're coming around with this pregnancy to the same problem. Emma will avoid things that are difficult and constantly jump around to new ideas rather than address the old difficult ideas that are lying next to us.